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Felicia interview - On the Red DotI just did a TV interview on 17th May, sharing something close to my heart. In fact too close for comfort, as I had to retell my story about my miscarriages again. Often, people may think that it has already been so long and I would have let it go. However, what they would never understand is, that such experiences will always have a special place in your heart. Our wounds though not physical, will forever be etched in our hearts and set our paths differently.

Imagine someone had an accident and was wheelchair bound since then. Would he or she forget that fateful day? He or she can only adjust to this new change and learn how to get their ways around. Such inconvenience then sets their path differently and is visible on a day to day basis. The difference between them and ours, is that theirs is physical while ours is emotional.

Even on a simple taxi ride, the driver would out of goodwill, asked if I was married. Upon saying yes, it would typically lead to: “How many kids do you have?” This leaves me wondering. Should I say 1 or 2 or even 4? The answer varies, depending on my mood that day and if that person was ready to accept the cold truth as well.

If we chose to say 1 and pointed to our child who is with us, the next question would then be, “Why settle for 1? Why not have another boy or girl?” Our Chinese culture often relates to having 2 children, a boy and a girl as it forms the Chinese character ““. However, they did not realise that such a casual question would rekindle our pain.

An issue that we took months or even years to bury deep within us could be correlated to layers on an onion. With each layer peeled off, tears flowed. As time went by, we get better at wrapping it up with more layers so that we would not well up so easily. It does not mean that it doesn’t hurt anymore. If pierced right through, we still feel the hurt and pain.

It feels like a tsunami had just swept us away, leaving us vulnerable and trying desperately to catch our breath. But to others, we are viewed as weird and strange individuals when we aren’t reacting the way they expected us to. Unbeknown to them, we are struggling to escape from this conversation. That was our cue to leave the place if possible, or dash to the toilet or even hail a taxi back home weeping. All this just because of a simple question?

After the long and draining interview, I decided to take a swim the next morning. It was a much needed swim that offered the peace and tranquillity to calm myself down.

I would frequently question my choice to share personally. There were others who have gone through similar experiences and they could be the ones sharing instead. However, that led to another thought.

If I assumed everyone would do that, who would eventually really do it? How can we better help the next generation then? Or what will be the one thing that I will really stand up for at the end of the day?

Therefore here I am, back from my swim, ready to dive deep again if needed to share my journey once more.I am Felicia Tan from Art Of Life (AOL) and over here, we empower miscarried women to become happy mums in time to come…Play a part in our journey to raise awareness by sponsoring this campaign – http://artoflife22.com/shop/sponsorship

Together we can build a better loving world with empathy, love and kindness.

 

About Author

felicia-tanFelicia Tan, speaker, blogger and author of To Baby With Love, Lost And Found and A Gift From Heaven draws her experience from two miscarriages and one rainbow baby, had a deep understanding of the issues faced by pregnant mothers, mothers who have lost their children and being a mother.

Having gone through an arduous journey filled with disappointments, she started Art Of Life to share about her journey and how she overcame them through a positive mindset.

Her stories has led to features on The Straits Times, Motherhood, Young Parents and more.

Read more about her.

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