Pregnant and AngryThe best part of being pregnant is you’ve got a baby to look forward to. The worst part? It’s a long 9-month wait and until Baby arrives, you are going to be bombarded with advice from just about every one (mostly well-meaning but some are completely rubbish).

And so, you excited but overwhelmed Pregnant Woman, will find yourself befuddled by mothers everywhere and even some men who didn’t go through pregnancy but reckon fatherhood makes them a pregnancy expert too. Everyone feels it’s their duty to share their wisdom with you.

You see, we share because we care, Pregnant Woman. We all remember the trials and tribulations we went through during our first pregnancy and we just want you to know that we feel you. We got your back. (And maybe also because we’re a tiny bit smug that we’ve already survived the Scary 9 Months and you have not, yet.) We liberally share our pearls of wisdom, even if you didn’t ask for it.

Disclaimer: I am guilty as charged too, but I try to learn from my, and others’ mistakes. So… Presenting my list of 5 things you should NEVER, ever say to a hormones-charged pregnant woman.

#1: “Wah! You’ve grown so fat!”

How dare you. She’s growing a BABY inside! Ok, so she put on 30kg and the baby was a puny 3kg at birth, but still! Commenting on a regular person’s weight is already in bad taste; judging a pregnant woman who probably already feels lousy about her weight gain — that’s just rude, mean and stupid.

#2: “You look too skinny for a pregnant woman. Are you sure you’re eating enough for your baby? Pregnant cannot go on diet, you know!”

This is usually said out of concern. But to judge a slim pregnant woman and assume she is starving her baby, that’s wrong on so many levels. She may be battling severe morning sickness (or all-day sickness) but doesn’t feel like discussing it. She may be working hard at keeping her food down and the last thing she needs is to be accused of going on a diet.

She may be eating like a pig but it just doesn’t show; we know many women who put on a modest 7kg-9kg but delivered normal-sized babies. Lucky them.

Just leave the skinny mums alone, unless they are flaunting their curves in your face and asking you why you got so fat. In which case, yes, go ahead and bite them.

#3: “Don’t get an epidural/C-Section. Go for natural birth, that’s the way God made us!” 

I believe God also gave us the wisdom to make painkillers so as to help us survive 25-hour labour pains. Everyone knows natural is better, but some mums may have medical conditions that require meds or surgical help. I opted for an elective C-section because my placenta was low, and I had severe anxiety issues then. I didn’t feel like explaining to everyone that the placenta is blocking my vajayjay so Baby can’t make his way out.

Yes, some mums choose C-section because they want Baby to arrive at an auspicious hour. Others, so as to avoid long drawn-out labour. Whatever their reason may be, it’s not in our place to judge, frankly. Delivering a baby through natural or C-Section is just the method of getting the baby out. Think of it as taking the MRT instead of the bus. It doesn’t make you a better or worse mum.

#4: “You MUST breastfeed. It’s very important for your child!”

Yes, we all know that breast is best. We have seen the beautiful photos of a beautiful mum nourishing her beautiful child; we all want that too. However, the reality is that some mums find it really really hard to breastfeed.

Maybe their milk supply is low, or the baby doesn’t take to the breast, or the mum can’t deal with breast pumps. Or maybe she just doesn’t like breastfeeding. Or maybe she got bullied by those around her into thinking her milk is simply “not enough and too watery” (we’ve heard of such complaints), and she genuinely thinks giving her baby formula milk is better.

When I was pregnant, I remember being constantly worried that I can’t breastfeed. I researched tirelessly on breast pumps and was shocked at how expensive they are, and how… mechanical they look. ‘Forcing’ a mum-to-be to breastfeed may be counter-productive, especially if in your enthusiasm, you eagerly share all your battle tales of mastitis. And bleeding nipples, and blocked milk ducts and… Oops, sorry. Good thing I wasn’t TOO scared off, and went on to breastfeed my son for 3.5 years. But that’s another story for another day.

#5: “You should consider becoming a stay-at-home mum (SAHM). Your child is more important than your career.”

Asking a mum to spend more time with her young child is undoubtedly good advice. However, not every one suits the SAHM route.

Some may feel so miserable and ‘useless’ without a career, it makes them resentful and may even cause them to become poorer mums. Others may not be able to afford to stay at home and survive just on Hubby’s salary.

Whatever their reason may be, being a SAHM or a career mum is a choice the mum must make on her own. No point adding stress with your well-intentioned but potentially offensive remarks.

There you go! The next time you hear annoying advice, you can show them this article to gently (but pointedly) ask them to shut up.  Once you’ve popped the baby, feel free to join our Smug Parents gang but try not to be too annoying, yeah? ????????


About Author
Stella Thng is a busy mum of 9. Read more about her.


Facebooktwitter ThngFeaturedPregnancyThe best part of being pregnant is you've got a baby to look forward to. The worst part? It's a long 9-month wait and until Baby arrives, you are going to be bombarded with advice from just about every one (mostly well-meaning but some are completely rubbish). And so, you...Pregnancy . Baby . Parenting